The Narrowing: Turning Anxiety into Transformation
#1 Thing You Need to Learn From This:
This time of uncertainty is your chance as a leader to consider what you really need in life and then lean into the anxiety to come through to a fuller life.
A More Detailed Exploration:
Six months ago, I was in the midst of a major life transition that took an unexpected twist. Earlier in the year, I had moved from Atlanta, Georgia, to a small college town in Indiana after seven years of playing a role in Atlanta’s emergence as the southeast tech capital.
This move coincided with my son finishing high school and moving out of my house for his first year at college. Almost all of my identify anchors had been severed including selling my stake in a profitable business and leaving volunteer roles within the Atlanta community. This came on the heels of going through a divorce after 15 years of marriage and in the midst of navigating Gen-X midlife.
For the first time in my memory, I had the opportunity to reset the foundations of my life and I intuitively leaned into the anxiety. It was right about then that the main reason for me moving led eventually to what became a mutual, amicable parting of ways. A pretty sweet job title and significant portfolio of responsibilities gone almost as quickly as it all came.
The Terrain of Transformation
What I learned from divorce is that when your partner doesn’t want to make it work, you can either resist thereby causing greater damage or you go in the direction the universe is flowing no matter how unexpected and uncertain the future appears. I chose to trust a fuller life was on the other side of this narrowing and anxiety.
Another thing I learned this Fall is you find out who your real friends are in these times versus those who just were relationships of convenience and access. I was fortunate to have dear friends (you know who you are) who were there to help me navigate this moment and see it as the rare opportunity it was for major personal and professional transformation. Does that sound familiar?
Little did I know I was scouting out the terrain of transformation for you and every other leader who is dealing with the overwhelming uncertainty and anxiety The Great Reset has brought to our lives. The numbers don’t lie. We’re in uncharted waters with the pandemic decimating jobs and delivering a horrible loss of life.
Anxiety as a Narrowing
I have spent the better part of the past six months as a student of deeply spiritual subjects and found my own heart reignited with love and healing for fresh wounds as well as those buried under deep scar tissue. Poetry flows from my pen at such voluminous rates as I have reckoned with the big question: who do I want to become through this?
This journey brought me to the On Being with Krista Tippett podcast, which is a wonderful way to explore the deeper questions of life. In a 2016 episode, she interviewed a Benedictine monk, Brother David Stendl-Rast, who shared many great insights on resilience.
In the interview, he explained how the word “anxiety” comes from a root that means “to narrow” and how natural birth is the first anxiety we face as humans (for those who come into the world that way). In the moments traveling through the narrows of the birth canal, we can either fight the journey or go with the flow having the faith we will come through to a fuller, richer experience.
As he says, when you fight these anxieties and narrowing moments, you create worse outcomes. Rather, it’s important to acknowledge the anxiety you’re feeling and then go with the flow having the faith this painful terrain will lead to a healthy transformation.
How Much is Enough?
Seriously, what do we really need in life and work? The past month has turned our lives upside down and highlighted the great inequalities of our society. One reality of these four weeks is how much of a fog we’re in with all this change coming from every side. You’re not alone.
It is important for you to find your footing and figure out ways to rise above the fatigue and trauma it has brought. As you do, I would encourage you to ask yourself “how much is enough?” when it comes to your personal and professional endeavors.
You and I know we’re each better off when we use our talents and strengths on a regular basis - at home and work. We find greater meaning and purpose in our days when that’s true, regardless how lofty or humbling our circumstances.
Happiness is fleeting. Fulfillment is enduring.
Making Your Cup Over Runneth
Another insight Brother Stendl-Rast shared was how he breaks the concept of gratitude into two components. The first is gratefulness to describe the process of filling up your cup with joy. The second is thanksgiving to denote when your cup over runneth.
Unfortunately, our egos and the culture we live in bombards us with messages that makes us enlarge our cups so that we rarely get moments of thanksgiving. We’re too busy increasing our desired empires that we rarely get the opportunity to sing and dance with joy.
If you read the Feed Your Roots post, you’ll know that way to solve this (hint: breath is the wedge). You can choose to bring mindfulness to these moments and respond differently. Allow your cup to fill up so you can enjoy the moments of joy thanksgiving brings.
What You Can Do As A Leader About This
Ask “who do I want to become through this?”
Give your team and yourself the grace to operate below your pre-pandemic output levels while asking “how much is enough?”
Acknowledge the harsh reality we’re facing WHILE holding out the hope you’ll come through this with a fuller, more robust life.
Find ways to put your team members in roles that allow them to use their strengths and talents regularly.
Look for moments your team members each are filling up their cups and point it out to them to help reinforce the habit
Celebrate their joy in ways that have meaning to them when their cups over runneth (no one-size fits all here).
Equally important is for you to do the same for yourself by putting your oxygen mask on first before helping others, right?
Throughout all this, remember to figure out what is reasonable and sustainable as we live under the storm clouds of a virus that has no known (yet) vaccine or cure.
